Background pleasure: Finding the orgasmic in the every-day

The neckline of my jumper is high so the soft velvety fabric caresses my chin and throat, inviting a micro-moment of "background pleasure" as I tune into its gentle, tactile embrace. Whenever I turn my head or look down, it strokes me gently.

The soft deep weave of the carpet gives way under my feet so that as I move across the room it feels like I’m walking on soft, gentle clouds. The gentle aroma of white pepper and peony teases my sense of smell from the hypnotically swaying candle flame.

These are tiny moments of ‘background pleasure.’ Mostly they go completely unnoticed by me.

What IS 'background pleasure'?

Michaela Boehm's, psychotherapist and somatic coach, defines "background pleasure" as the subtle, often unconscious enjoyment derived from everyday experiences. In her work, she suggests that by consciously noticing and savouring these moments, you can reconnect with your body's innate capacity for pleasure throughout daily life. "Background Pleasure Practice" involves consciously tuning into simple, often overlooked sensations that bring joy and satisfaction.

Pleasure doesn’t have to be an orgasm!

There is, of course, a big difference between an earth shattering orgasm and the pleasure of noticing the delicious quality of sunlight falling through the leaves of a tree. But they’re on the same spectrum.

By collecting up tiny moments of background pleasure throughout your day, you actually make it much more likely that you can make the leap to deeper sensations of joy and sensuality when you get done with all the busy.

Where are you right now as you read this?

If you’re like me, you’re halfway through doing something else, but you’ve stopped for a moment and are checking your phone. Perhaps you’re at your desk or flopped on the couch, catching up on some work and flitting between emails, tasks, social media, and messages. Heck, maybe you’re even sat on the toilet!

Do you ever catch yourself wondering how often you do this? What’s pulling me to check my phone right now?

Chances are, wherever you are, you're checked out from your body's sensations. Reading these words, your attention will likely unconsciously drop down into your body. Maybe you'll notice the feel of your clothes against your skin, the waistband of your trousers, or your socks on your feet. Sometimes it's internal sensations that we notice.

Our default, though, is usually to notice what's uncomfortable in the body. For me, right now, it’s the slight bloating in my belly as I sit here typing, or the tweak in my shoulder from an injury that’s flared up. How about for you? Close your eyes for a moment and feel the sensations and signals from your body.

How do you feel, and what do you notice?

Mindfulness and Bodyfulness

I'm currently training in Embodied Yoga Life Coaching, which has been deeply illuminating for how I experience my own body. Embodied and somatic work joins the dots between bodily awareness and emotional healing, offering tools to reawaken sensations, process trauma and cultivate joy in the everyday moments we often overlook.

So much of our experience is felt and stored in the body and yet for most of us we're deeply disconnected from that part of our experience.

It was a revelation for me to realise how often I "numb out" from my body. Escaping into my phone or food are my most common escape hatches. I started to notice that when I feel something uncomfortable, before it becomes a conscious thought, I can feel it in my body. The other "trick" my mind plays is to capture me in an overthinking and rumination loop which also allows me to escape from how I feel in my body.

Mindfulness has become widely celebrated for how deeply it transforms our body, brain, and overall experience of life. For me, it's been fundamental to transforming my life from being a red hot mess to living with purpose and passion. But until the last year or so, I completely overlooked the role my body has to play in all of that.

Mindfulness can be described as the moment by moment awareness of thoughts and feelings in the present moment with curiosity, calm and non judgement. It's mindfulness that allows me to witness my pattern of abandoning my body and dissociation. It also provides part of the answer: when I'm aware of my thoughts and experiences, I can't be "hooked" in quite the same way by my default response patterns.

'Bodyfulness' on the other hand, is the awareness of the body's sensations as a gateway to feeling and processing emotions.

My words and thoughts are the way my mind communicates to me and movement and sensations are the language of my body.

(*if you're interested in exploring the concept of 'Bodyfulness', check out the work of Christine Caldwell)

I wrote a blog a while ago that explores the phenomenal power of the micro-moment. I'm a big fan! When we cultivate our ability to shift our awareness moment by moment, we can make choices that support us better without needing to find more time (because sometimes there just isn’t more time!). 'Background pleasure', paying attention to those small sensations in the background, works along similar lines. It’s a shift in attention and a choice but it's in your body instead of your mind.

Can you notice some background pleasure?

When we want to shift out of stress and overwhelm it can feel like a massive task. So much so that our mind and body balks at the task. In a way, it can feel easier to stay slightly wired than to put the effort in to go from numb and distracted to present and calm. How about if it could be a series of micro- moments to take you there instead?

How about if joy could be found without having to try so hard?

How can we culticate Joy?

Joy is a state of mind and an orientation of the heart.

It’s the soft golden light filtering through autumn leaves, or the gentle warmth of holding a mug of tea on a cold morning. It combines contentment and hope with a sensory richness that lets you savour life's smallest treasures. It's a settled state of contentment, confidence, and hope.

It comes with a body set of sensations and sensory experiences.

We can find joy in the tiniest of moments as well as in the most all-consuming of experiences.

The amazing thing about joy (as opposed to 'Happiness" which is a much more loaded and problematic concept) is that it already exists inside us. It's always there, waiting to be tapped into.

Here’s a 5 step process you can use to re-orient your body, mind and soul towards it:

Stop Pause where you are. Allow your body to land in stillness. You can be standing with your feet on the ground, sitting on a chair…just be wherever you are.
Connect Take your attention to your feet. Weirdly, our feet tend to be an anxiety-free zone. Not many of us store tension there, so they can be a great spot to get grounded. Let yourself feel the weight of your feet on the ground, feel the ground underneath you, and simply notice how that feels.
Scan Now it’s time to notice the rest of your body. What do you notice? How is it feeling in there? Can you notice how it feels right now? What’s your body telling you?
Pleasure hunt! Hiding underneath the usual sensations, can you notice subtle background pleasure? Maybe the floor feels soft underfoot…or the feel of your hair against your face is soft…or you can smell the fragrance of your shampoo…perhaps the gentle touch of your fingers against the side of your body feels comforting…the taste of something you recently ate pleasantly remaining in your mouth…soft light pooling on the floor…Imagine that you were feeling sensations for the first time. Get creative!
Let yourself Smile Can you open up to whatever you’ve noticed? Let yourself really feel it and allow a smile to play on your lips (that too can be a simple pleasure).

Would you like to experience some joy? Feel Good Friday is for YOU

As we talk about these concepts, by definition it takes us further away from them! I don't want you to understand what I'm sharing, I want you to FEEL it. That's why I've created a weekly container for us to be together and do just that.

Join me live every Friday morning at 9am for a FREE 30-minute session called 'Feel Good Friday' to Move, Breathe, and Pause.

You'll be able to learn how to bring 'bodyfulness' and 'mindfulness' into action in a practical way. PLUS you'll get to slay the end of the week by releasing anything you need and feel energised and excited for the weekend.

You can sign up for FREE here

Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.

- Thich Nhat Hanh